Tonight I voted for Amreican Idol for the very first time ever. It wasn't the first time I tried, of course, as there was the one weekI tried to vote and repeatedly got an "adult" line. You would think I would have figured it out after, oh, the eighth time I called, instead of thinking, "Wow, Taylor is so appreciative of my vote that he's paying this woman to talk about taking my pants off! Another vote for him!"

So tonight I voted for Elliot 117 times. After that I couldn't take it anymore, but I feel I represented him fairly well. He is my new obsession, a la Shaun White.

Also, it appears that we get to celebrate administrative assistant week EVERY DAY this week. Today I got a sweet card that everyone in the office wrote a little note in and a gift certificate for a pedicure and all my co-workers gathered 'round to thank Missy and myself. Lunch with the GM is planned for Friday, but we've got surprises both tomorrow and Thursday.

It's a good week to have a shitty job!

This week, show some love to your secretary. Maybe inspire her to brush her hair.

Today I got tulips from my lovely co-workers and I also booked a trip to Boston for Angie's birthday. She's coming with too, if you're wondering. I'm not sure what the hell possessed me to do this when the thought entered my mind only yesterday, but the fact that I got a room downtown for $59 that is otherwise being quoted at $275 makes me feel like it was the right thing.

Last weekend Darren surprised me by bringing me home for Easter and I surprised my family by showing up for Easter. However, when I showed up on the stoop (who the hell am I kidding - we don't have a stoop!), I was pretty convinced that no one was going to let me in. I knocked and knocked and waited and eventually started whining, "Guys? Is anyone going to let me in...?"

When my dad finally put on some pants and opened up the door, Darren heard Angie's drunken squeals from inside the car, which was running at the time.

It was a great weekend and a splendid Easter. This about sums up how coma-inducingly good the food was. Blessed food is a sedative. Who knew?

Last week I rounded out my first year at work. Time certainly flies, but I can hardly remember life before that place now. I remember my first day of work when people were leaving the office, saying, "Have a good night," and, "See you in the morning," and it dawned on me that I was going to be spending more time with these people than I do with anyone else in my life. I'm glad they don't suck.

Holy moly, speaking of suck - remember the co-worker I sent the nasty email to? I received a thank you note and a gift card to Marshall Fields from her a couple of weeks back. The note said something along the lines of, "I received my bonus last week and it's important to me that you're recognized too. Thank you for all your hard work." For about twenty seconds, I liked the woman. But I can't be bought that easily; I'm back to my old ways. On a related note (follow the chain, people), next week is administrative professional week. I better get some love from my superiors, preferably in the form of gentle kisses and foot rubs. However, I will accept cash and/or flowers from my co-workers that I'm less attracted to (of which there are, hmm, two? I work with hotties).

I really wish I had more to share. I feel like Angie is blogging my life so well (and so much better than I could) that I don't really need to bother. I promise to try to get better at this. However, I also promise myself on a daily basis that TODAY the diet starts.

In other words, don't hold your breathe for my next post.

I love Tower. I must have said that a dozen times at the Tower bars last night. Let me tell you why.

At the first bar my dad, Darren and I went to, I was served by the most popular (totally) girl in my high school class AND my high school crush (all throughout high school…and he has, how shall I say…bettered his body since then. WOW.) Anyway, there was a party going on at the first bar for a couple who was employed there and who have an (illegitimate) baby who spends way too much time in that bar. The reason for the party was that the couple is moving to California. Their reason for moving? Baby daddy has some jail time to serve in Cali. Let’s throw a party for THAT guy! To his credit, he seems pretty nice.

We drank with my dad’s other wife (Beth’s) husband (Brad) for a while, and were joined by his whole family before long. We were given beer upon beer against our will, and Brad tried on many occasions to buy us each a Flaming Blue Jesus.

What the hell is a Flaming Blue Jesus?

Before we left at maybe 10:30 or 11:00 to go to bar number two to enjoy a game of pool, the owners from bar number one were atop the bar, swinging their bodies recklessly around the pole that had been installed at the end of the bar with just that purpose in mind. They did keep their clothes on, but my dad kept saying, “Oh my God, that pole is going to give out and they’re going to fly right into the grill.” We didn’t see it happen, but then again, they were still working the pole when we left.

We were greeted by a bartender and three whole patrons at the second bar. The best part of this is that one of the patrons was the bartender’s wife’s ex-fiancée. For the record, she’s a dirty whore and the bartender could do way better than her, but I digress.

I played both my dad and Darren at pool and managed to hop the white ball (cue ball?) off the table twice. Angie would have been proud. I’m a really good pool player and, as you can see, my knowledge of the game is extensive. My dad kept telling me what number ball to hit and I had to keep saying, "COLOR, Dad. What COLOR?"

After about an hour, Beth and Brad showed up, but without any kids this time. They came in the bar giggling because they were pretty sure they had helped get their daughter and her boyfriend, both impressively drunk, pulled over on their way back to Embarrass. I’m curious to hear what developed there…and to know what detox was like for them.

True to the theme of the evening, Brad ordered a Flaming Blue Jesus because he couldn’t coerce any of us to try it. All of our hopes were shattered when the bartender confessed he had no idea what the hell a Flaming Blue Jesus was. He spent probably a half hour looking through his book o' drinks and came up with nothing. Just so that doesn’t happen to any of you, click here and never wonder what comprises a Flaming Blue Jesus again.

Also, I have another niece. She's a foster niece for now, but she will soon be legally adopted. Here is Little Black Dog, Pup, Puppy, LBD, or Lola:

She came to visit us yesterday and I realized after she left that she had peed in my room, but I love her anyway.

I don't have much to say besides I had a lot of fun last weekend and...

ALEXIS IS HOT!

However, I'm scared we might have gone and got her a stalker.

I'm sorry, Alexis.