One hundred (and one) things about me

you wish you never knew, but probably already knew even before this post:

1. City buses, with their creepy greenish nighttime glow, scare the crap out of me. I attribute this mostly to Heart and Souls.
2. Growing up, I used to dream of living on a farm in Montana with dogs. Nothing but dogs and acres of green grass that I never had to mow because it stayed short and plush and perfect. Maybe the grass kept the dogs alive and the dogs kept the grass short.
3. I also used to dream of owning a midget cow that never grew up and just stayed a calf forever.
4. Baseball players are the sexiest classification there is. Socks up is even hotter.
5. I finished college in three and a half years.
6. In my younger years, I used to pull out my hair. It grew back curly and now I have curly hair under straight hair and it’s annoying. I would advise anyone not to pull out hair as a hobby. Not their own, at least.
7. I live in an efficiency apartment with a man and a cat. It’s 520 square feet of solid fun.
8. I love cheese. LOVE. CHEESE.
9. The fact that I have red hair and blonde eyebrows/eyelashes often prompts questions regarding the carpet matching the curtains.
10. I can drink 12 ounces of beer in roughly 4 seconds. I think one time I did it in three, but that was when I was in college.
11. I am an incredibly gifted eater. There may be a lot I won’t eat, but I can sure eat a lot of what I will eat. I should enter contests.
12. I’ve had weight issues my entire life. (See above.)
13. People call me Red.
14. I would rather endure six straight years of immersion in fresh cow manure than relive my adolescent years.
15. My first kiss was in a hotel stairwell.
16. I didn’t go to prom. The only time I’ve danced with a boy was in a drunken tizzy at my brother’s wedding last year.
17. My sister-in-law and I share a name. And a bank account, if we’re not careful.
18. I have an usually high number of “girl crushes.”
19. Compliments will get you everywhere with me.
20. When I was ten years old, I carried around a tub of petroleum jelly in my coat pocket to allay unpredictable, but frequent, nosebleeds. I was teased a lot as a child.
21. Naughty words make me giggle, particularly when they are yelled by people who don’t scare me.
22. My brother has called me Stinky (Lord of the Apes) for years, leading to the overuse of deodorant to the point that it rolls into little balls and falls from my armpits into my shirt to be squeezed and smeared between my fingertips.
23. Sometimes I try to cut my nose hair, but I usually end up bleeding.
24. True to my Irish roots, I would die without potatoes.
25. I’m an albino. No, my eyes aren’t pink. Yes, you can be an albino without having pink eyes.
26. Words can’t describe how terrible my lack of direction is.
27. The last place I ever thought I would end up is living in the wretched Cities, working downtown. That’s where I am. That’s what I do.
28. I don’t have a driver’s license and my permit is expired.
29. I’ve never been on what I would consider a “real” date. I don’t think I ever will.
30. I like flowers, but I swoon for buffalo wings.
31. Carnies make me smile.
32. I vote Republican and I’m willing to be shunned by my peers for it.
33. I envy people that poop a lot.
34. My sister is the tall, skinny, beautiful, less disgusting version of me. And she’s got a great rack. Plus she’s single. But if it’s raunchy sex you’re looking for, she’s the wrong sister. I kid, I kid.
35. I unconsciously compare every new person I meet to people I already know to see which one of my acquaintances they most resemble. Then I expect them to act just like that person. Isn’t that stupid?
36. I name body parts.
37. I want to have Lew Ford’s love child.
38. After high school I thought I would never be able to replace my friends from home. Now that college is over I know I will never be able to replace my friends from Duluth.
39. Grape and orange are my favorite artificial flavors.
40. Purple and orange are also my favorite colors.
41. Mean people make me cry. So do sad people and sweet people and people that are crying. So do commercials.
42. I was never allowed to ride my bike on the highway, even at age 15. My dad recently told me it’s because I couldn’t “drive” straight and didn’t seem steady enough. Now I unicycle instead.
43. I look like Cindy Lou Who’s overweight, Raggedy Anne of an aunt. Damn my overbite.
44. My grandma is 92, lives alone, bakes potica all day and could kick your ass if she tried.
45. I don’t see much. It’s not that I don’t look – I just don’t see.
46. My reflexes are as slow as my metabolism.
47. I’m pro-life, but MAN do I hate some kids.
48. I was engaged at 17. Dumping him was the smartest thing I ever did.
49. Darren and I will get married. I can say that because he doesn’t read this.
50. I’m addicted to reality television: American Idol, Celebrity Fit Club, Surreal Life, Real World, MTV Challenges, So You Think You Can Dance. It’s an illness. I’m dealing with it.
51. I have lizard lips.
52. My favorite animal is the slow loris. What the hell is there not to love about the slow loris?
53. A clown made me cry in front of the whole school when I was seven because he said it looked like I had been standing in the rain too long. He referred to me as “Rusty.”
54. I have a thing for humane society animals. God love ‘em.
55. I have holes in all my socks.
56. I never throw away underwear, regardless of how old, ripped and stained. Yes, stained.
57. I love my family.
58. In fifth grade I failed a geography test. Failure still haunts me and I still don’t know where Zimbabwe is.
59. I buy into a lot of stereotypes.
60. I wish I had more surprises in my life. But good surprises. Not, “Surprise, you’re pregnant with triplets and their daddy’s the devil!”
61. There’s nothing I’m really good at. This bothers me.
62. I would smell White Out, nail polish, nail polish remover, gasoline and Sharpie markers all day if I knew it wouldn’t kill me.
63. I hate drama, but I can get pretty dramatic.
64. I’m a hugger coming from a family of non-huggers.
65. I was a D.A.R.E. role model in high school. What went wrong there?
66. I care what other think of me way more than I should.
67. Occasionally I experience temporary hearing loss. So far it’s always come back.
68. I shook President Dubya’s hand. And he smiled at me. And I melted.
69. I met Johan Santana. And he smiled at me. And I melted. I love you, Johan.
70. I have a dog named Lucy and a cat named Fatass, I mean Lenny, and if they ever met, Lucy would make a meal of Lenny.
71. I’ve only smoked twice in my life, on two consecutive evenings, and despite my lack of practice, I am a NATURAL.
72. I have never taken part in the use of illegal drugs. Not to say I’ve never wanted to…
73. My sister and I saw the real Patch Adams and Angie squealed, I’m pretty sure.
74. I drink pickle juice.
75. Turd is my least favorite word. Use this against me and I will hurt you.
76. Other countries I’ve traveled to include Italy, France, England and, of course, Canada.
77. I believe everything my father tells me, even though I am now realizing I shouldn't. As a sidenote, don't believe anyone who tells you that Jewish people's headstones are close together because they are buried upright so the change won't fall out of their pockets.
78. When I was twelve, I used to steal beer from my dad and sit in my room in the dark on the floor when my parents thought I was sleeping and get drunk.
79. College was my favorite time of my life so far. Not that that's a big surprise.
80. The banner on my cell phone reads "Ridhid".
81. I always wear long-sleeved shirts.
82. I dig humility.
83. I really like it when people sing my name.
84. Ghosts terrify me. I have never seen a ghost and I never want to. If you die
before me, please don't haunt me.
85. My first time getting rip roarin' drunk in public was at my mother's fiftieth birthday party. It took me a long time to learn how to drink without puking.
86. I’ve always been the youngest.
87. I’m into men who have goatees.
88. I prefer redundancy to change.
89. Expectation violation devastates me.
90. I wish I knew a little about a lot. Most people that say that know a lot about a little. I can’t claim that. I hardly even know a little about a little.
91. I’m clumsy. I fall down stairs, run into walls and trip over nothing.
92. I have freckles all over my arms, but nowhere else on my body.
93. Intelligence is hot.
94. I prefer gloves to mittens.
95. I can’t dance, but that doesn’t stop me from trying. Unfortunately, the same goes for singing.
96. One of my favorite things is to receive mail. Not bills – letters, cards, you know, the good stuff.
97. My sister is my best friend. You wouldn’t think that by reading my blog, I bet.
98. I’ve always wanted a bigger ass. If I got it, I bet I’d cry.
99. I feel bad that it was harder when my dog died than when my extended family members died.
100. I wish I went to church more. The intention is there, but the action isn’t.

Bonus:

101. When I was younger and my brother had friends over, I used to wander around naked. My mother has a picture of me wearing nothing but a santa hat and a smile at my brother's eighth birthday party.