LOOK OUT, WORLD. My super-sexy sister is single after two years of being anything but. Be gentle though, boys, she's fragile.

I'm just kidding...I'm sure she likes it rough.

Despite her singlehood, I'm kind of sad. No more Chuck for me. Two years of bonding down the shitter. No more whooping his ass in beer guzzling contests, no more darts, no more drunken hugs and pictures and pretending to be boyfriend and girlfriend. No one left to encourage me to drink until I puke, then rub my back as I vomit buffalo wings all over the back of his toilet. No more drinking, probably. No more downtown buddy. No more Chuck.

As I told Angie last week, I don't think I'm ready to break up with Chuck. And it's true. Who knew playing Apples to Apples would probably be the last time I ever hung out with him. And to think he even helped me clean up that night when I knocked those popcorn kernels all over the floor due to the full body erection caused by the mere mention of glazed donuts.

I'll miss that guy, but my liver sure won't.