Warning: boyfriend babblage ahead. If this sort of thing makes you as ill as it makes me, turn back now and be thankful I don't say this shit to you in person (unless, of course, you are unfortunate enough to live with me.)

Ah, life. Isn't it interesting? You know what's even more interesting? Love. What could possibly be harder to predict? The thing I've noticed about love is that everyone's got The List. Everyone's got a list between five and twenty items long of what his or her ideal mate would be. I've got one too, I admit, if only lingering in the back of my mind. No matter how much you can try to deny it, The List is there. But I've come to realize this: The List is bullshit. You're never going to find someone that is all of those things, even if you only want a limited number of characteristics from your significant others. Odds are before long you'll find someone amazing that is none of the things on that list. And if you ever DO manage to find your "ideal" partner, he or she probably won't be into you. That's just the way life is.

Well, I've found someone now that fits The List pretty damn well. Sure, he's not perfect, but he's good to me, we goof off constantly, he's sweet (just enough for it to be really flattering), honest and adorable. Plus he makes me laugh like none other and my family loves him. And he's loud. I never thought I would want someone loud, but it shows that he's not afraid of people. The last thing I want is another guy who is afraid of people. And I love the weird things about our relationship. I like it when he ignores me (as long as it doesn't get overdone), maybe just because I get to see that guilty smile once I finally grab his attention. Or maybe it's because I have more leverage next time I tease him. I also love it that he lets me pay sometimes when we go out, even though I'm a poor, unemployed college student and he's got a pretty decent job. Is that weird? It's like there's the perfect balance between unparalleled support and total independence. It just feels so real.

And the best part is I never saw it coming. I had finally stopped wishing I had a romantic interest to waste my time with when he walked into my life. I had just realized I was okay with being single, that I could, in fact, be HAPPY and still be single. I guess in that respect it was perfect timing because I didn't feel like I would have just taken anything that came along.

Deep down, being in a perfectly happy relationship does scare me. It scares me to think that I haven't even known this guy for four months, but he always sneaks into the picture when I think about my future, whether it be six months or sixty years from now. It scares me that I'm 20 and I think I've found the guy I want to spend my life with. It scares me because it feels like I have met the male version of me, and if that's the case, it's kind of like I'm making out with myself. But I'm trying my damndest to stop my bloody worrying and just enjoy what's good while it's good. The thing is, though, I can't see the goodness ever going away.

Yuck, okay, it's over now. I apologize. Anyone who suffered through that deserves a cookie. I would offer cookies, but I have none. Somehow I don't think it would matter...

Anyway, thank God Darren doesn't read this or he'd be shitting a brick, eh?